What Does a Fear of Commitment Look Like?

As social beings, our wellness and fulfillment in life are tied to our relationships. Being able to have someone you can share your life with and a community you have around you is one of the most important aspects of our lives.

It helps us enjoy life, cope with life’s stresses, and give us a sense of meaning and belonging. A lot of people struggle to have those close relationships and build that community around them and one of the reasons is they live with a fear of commitment.

When one struggles with a fear of commitment it is important to note that we are not talking about those individuals who deliberately want to choose to live a life without the responsibility of commitment, they want to be wild and free.

We should also not confuse lack of interest for fear of commitment. In this instance, it’s a case of lack of chemistry and connection to this person only. Lastly, if someone decides they want to stay single forever, it does not mean they have commitment issues.

What does fear of commitment look like?

Fear of commitment is also called gamophobia. It is an involuntary intense, persistent, and sometimes irrational fear of commitment or marriage. It is different from the normal apprehensions that we all have about relationships or the normal precautions that people might take when considering marriage or a committed relationship.

It’s a fear that hinders a person’s day-to-day living in that they go to extends to arrange their life and interactions around this fear they have. Below are some symptoms of fear of commitment:

Maintain emotional distance

As much as they long for it, intimacy brings a lot of anxiety for someone who struggles with a fear of commitment. As a way of not being too attached, they might maintain emotional distance by exhibiting hot and cold behavior, ghosting a partner after moments of connection, or choosing not to share any intimate details about themselves.

Avoid discussions about marriage or any long-term commitments

They struggle with making plans, even something as seemingly normal as a vacation together with the person they are dating. Discussions about the future of the relationship, especially the topic of marriage are met with coldness, avoidance, and defensiveness.

Comfortable with not defining relationship

Ambiguity in a relationship is their safe space. They feel if their relationship is not labeled, they are free from the expectation of committing. These are people who will not introduce you as their girlfriend or boyfriend when you are with company. They also struggle to answer the question when you ask them to define your relationship for clarity’s sake.

Struggle with trust issues

Trust is hard for people with a fear of commitment, they have an emotional wall that is hard to penetrate. They struggle to trust that others can have good intentions toward them. This can then make them feel insecure, jealous, and sometimes possessive.

This is because they struggle to trust people, hence whomever they are in a relationship with. This can be confusing because as much as they do not want to lay claim to you, they behave like you belong to them and are expected to be faithful to them.

May have a history of traumatic break-ups and / or relationships

A bad break-up or having experienced heartbreak in a romantic relationship might be the reason why they have a fear of commitment.

Self-Sabotage relationships

When they feel like the relationship is going well and might reach a point where they will be asked or expected to commit, they can start exhibiting behaviors that can contribute to it ending, even if they want that relationship to work.

These behaviors could be they start being flirty with other people, stop being as affectionate as they were, and start distancing themselves so that the other person breaks up with them.

What causes fear of commitment?

It can be difficult to pinpoint how people develop a fear of commitment. This is because it is complex and can also be a symptom of other mental health issues. However, some common factors can contribute to the development of fear of commitment, some of them are listed below:

• If someone has avoidant or anxious attachment styles as a result of their upbringing, they will struggle to form long-lasting relationships.
• People who have experienced past hurt from heartbreak, betrayal, and abuse report finding it difficult to trust and commit to another person.
• Sometimes people struggle with commitment due to certain mental health conditions like social anxiety, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder, only to name a few.
• Another contributor to commitment issues comes from having witnessed parents’ dysfunctional relationship and sometimes their painful divorce. Not wanting to go through the same, most people will grow up and vow that they will never get married, even though they yearn for closeness and intimacy.

Don’t hesitate to seek our support

If you suspect that you or someone you love might be struggling with a fear of commitment, we are here to let you know that you do not have to struggle on your own. Reach out to our offices for help and support. We have Counselors that will help you come to understand the root causes of your fears and work out a treatment plan that will enable you to have healthier and more fulfilling relationships.