The Secret Thoughts of Grievers

Grief is a deeply personal journey that almost everyone will take at some point in their lives. It can be hard to know if we are grieving properly or if the thoughts we have are normal or even healthy. Grievers often have to deal with thoughts and feelings that would sound atrocious if other people were to hear them, so they never share what they are feeling.

This means that they have to deal with all of their feelings and thoughts alone, which can lead to increased feelings of isolation, loneliness, and sadness.

Sometimes, it’s helpful to know that other grievers have the same or similar thoughts to us and that there is logic to them, even if it is a kind of logic only found in grief. It’s helpful to acknowledge our thoughts and feelings as we navigate grief, even when we don’t know what to do with them.

It is often only as we acknowledge our thoughts, even the ones that sound cruel or harsh, that we can release or identify the emotions attached to the thought.

The Secret Thoughts of Grievers

Bear in mind that these are actual thoughts that many different grievers have expressed to friends, confidantes, and counselors. They are being shared to show other grievers that it’s perfectly normal to think or feel certain things in grief. Simply having a thought or a feeling does not change who we are as people. Often, it is as we confess the thought that it loses its power over our minds or emotions.

“I wish someone else had died instead.”

One emotion that looms large in the hearts of many grievers is regret. Many people might wish that someone else, even a family member they aren’t as close to, had died instead of the one they lost. It As alarming as it sounds, it is a common thought for many people in grief. It is not a reflection of hate for another family member, but just the deep loss for the one who died.

“I wish the people around me would also lose someone so they could know how I feel.”

Sometimes, we need to unpack a thought or feeling so that we can understand it and truly hear what’s being said. This thought is not about wanting others to suffer; it is about this person struggling with loneliness due to not being understood. In grief, we don’t feel or think things logically because the shock of loss can be so deeply affecting. Most of us just want to be seen and understood without having to explain or express anything.

“I’m enjoying the fact that my life has gone back to normal now that they have passed.”

Some people linger in sickness for so long before they pass away that it can be a relief for their family members when they eventually go. Nursing someone with a chronic disease means being in a state of anticipatory grief for months and even years on end. This is draining and disruptive. Even though no one is to blame, it can come with its fair share of bitterness and resentment, too. It’s normal to feel relief in grief.

“I’m jealous of my in-laws who get to spend time with my children when my parents never got the chance to.”

We can feel grateful that our kids have at least one set of living grandparents while also being jealous over the fact that it’s not our own parents. When you peel back the layers around this thought, you might find that you simply miss your parents and wish they were still part of your family, witnessing the growth of your children. Sometimes, our most extreme thoughts house some of our simplest emotions.

“I get angry at my friends who don’t understand what I’m going through.”

In grief, we might not realize how important our friends and loved ones are. In turn, they often don’t understand the complexities of grief if they have never had to experience it firsthand. Grief is a lot like an iceberg: a small amount of it is visible, but most of it doesn’t show. Grievers mostly want someone to get what they are going through without having to verbalize things because talking about it is difficult and painful.

Christian Grief Counseling in Keller, Texas

If you are going through grief and struggling with private thoughts, it might be helpful to talk with a Christian counselor in Keller, Texas. The counselors at Keller Christian Counseling are qualified, empathetic professionals who would never judge you for expressing even your deepest and most shocking truth.

If you would like to meet with a counselor in Keller, please contact our office today at Keller Christian Counseling in Texas so that we can set an appointment for you with one of the therapists in our practice. They will walk you through your pain with understanding.