Navigating the Aftermath of Emotional Affairs and Infidelity

When we take marriage vows, we pledge our fidelity or faithfulness to God and our spouse. While we may enjoy rich and diverse relationships with family, friends, and others, there are certain aspects of the marital bond unique to the marital partnership that exclude emotional affairs and infidelity.

When God created Eve for Adam, He designed her to be suitable for him in the areas where God saw Adam needed help (Genesis 2:18-25). Marriage was intended to cultivate intimacy and sustain connection. While many enter marriage with different ideas of what it will be, the biblical portrayal of marriage establishes consent and covenant to sojourn with one another through life’s seasons, no matter what they bring.

We affirm and assert this when we vow to abide with one another whether better or worse, rich or poor, sickness or health, forsaking all others. In this way, God’s purpose for marriage promotes mutual interdependence and blessing. He created us to experience and enjoy physical union, creative partnership, and divine purpose with Him at the core.

The Holy Spirit is the bond in the three-fold cord that seals our marriage, making it like no other covenant (Ecclesiastes 4:12). While no partner or couple is perfect, when we imagine our lives together, we don’t usually envision adultery as part of what we will experience.

Reality of emotional affairs and infidelity

Infidelity occurs in many marriages. Whether it manifests as a sexual exchange or emotional affairs, where the connection is not physically consummated. The numbers reflecting divorce rates can be disheartening for those who are already married or seeking to be. It appears to mock the best that God intended for us to experience in our commitment to one another.

We don’t have to remain discouraged, even if we have experienced divorce or infidelity. Although an estimated fifty percent success rate is telling of the state of marriages in society as well as throughout Christ’s Body, these statistics reflect part of a larger story.

Roots of infidelity.

In places where we have become vulnerable, it is often a result of a legitimate need that has not been met by the one person who is in covenant with us. It can surface when we assume our marriage partner would have seen, heard, or understood a need or expectation that we never verbalized or afforded an opportunity to respond to. This vulnerability also emerges when a spouse dismisses or disregards what we value.

The adversary is aware of this and positions himself on the ledges of a wounded, offended, or resentful heart to gain a foothold. Whether we are the one who has cheated or been cheated on, infidelity and emotional affairs dissolve trust and weaken the bonds of covenant unlike anything else. They threaten to dissolve our families, injuring us and our children with instability. This takes time and intention to reset and repair.

The sanctity of marriage appears under attack. Scripture portrays it as a reflection of the enduring covenant between Christ, the Bridegroom, and us, His Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). When we consider that, it may not surprise that the adversary operates divisively to orchestrate situations or encounters where we are enticed and act on fleshly desires.

We don’t have to live condemned, but we do need to take inventory of our lives, including where we may allow our thoughts to go ungoverned or undisciplined. We don’t have to live under the dominion of sin, but rather die daily to what seeks to steal and sabotage God’s promises for us (1 Corinthians 15:31; Romans 6:14).

Addressing infidelity and emotional affairs.

Addressing the issue of infidelity and emotional affairs begins in our souls as we repent and return to Jesus. This is not only to forgive our sin but to heal the areas between us and our spouse that prompted us to reach outside of our marriage.

As we welcome the Holy Spirit, He facilitates and binds together what could otherwise unravel our connection. Exchanging the burdens we’ve shouldered will introduce the fresh ways He wants us to perceive His Heart concerning our marriages and our mates.

It is possible to work through the most challenging issues as we rely on our Savior’s supernatural ability, activated in our humanity. Continually submitting ourselves to one another and His leadership furnishes the grace that redeems us when we fall, but also stands up in us so we don’t have to.

Next steps

Take some time to browse our online counselor directory. At Keller Christian Counseling in Texas, you can seek support and schedule an appointment for yourself as an individual or pursue couples counseling for you and your spouse.

Although the circumstances that led you here weren’t ideal, God is good and has planned a future with the intention and the ability to connect you with hope and help. Wherever you are experiencing a situation beyond what you expected for your marriage, you and your mate can receive what you need to recover, rebound, and become more resilient following infidelity and an emotional affair.