Walking and Living with Disenfranchised Grief

There aren’t that many feelings that can compare with the gut-wrenching feeling of not being seen and heard. We are deeply social creatures, and finding ourselves outside the web of relationships that others have, or in situations where we might as well be invisible, can be painful. When other people don’t hear your voice, see your pain, or acknowledge your presence, it’s painful in ways that are hard to describe and is referred to as disenfranchised grief.

Losing a loved one unleashes many different emotions and thoughts. It may take time, but you begin the process of working through the loss. That process is generally called grief, but grief can become complicated in many ways. One way it can be complicated is if it’s disenfranchised.

What is Disenfranchised Grief?

When we lose loved ones, one of the things that helps us to process our loss is for that loss to be allowed to feel like a loss. Sometimes, people don’t grieve because they don’t feel like the experience they’ve gone through should count as a loss. At other times, the community or society around you doesn’t acknowledge your loss even when you do, and that also makes the grieving process difficult.

The term “disenfranchised grief” refers to a situation where a person’s experience of loss and grief is not acknowledged, validated, or supported by society, their family, or friends. In other words, while you see, feel, and are going through loss, the people around you don’t see it as such, and they don’t provide the support that grieving people need.

When people experience loss, there are various ways they receive the acknowledgment, validation, and support of the people around them. This includes being given time off from work, people coming alongside you to be with you as you mourn and deal with the loss, and people simply being around to pray, lift you up, and help you during a difficult time. With disenfranchised grief, there is none of this acknowledgment or support.

How Disenfranchised Grief Occurs

We don’t all share the same values across our society, but there are some relationships and situations that are commonly accorded legitimacy and validation. Disenfranchised grief happens when the relationship loss that a person suffers isn’t viewed as significant or valid in broader society.

Disenfranchised grief can occur in situations where there is a stigma attached to the relationship in question. For example, if the relationship one is grieving is an extramarital affair, or if it’s an LGBTQ+ relationship, the people around the individual may not be empathetic to the loss or consider it a loss as such. If others don’t believe it to be a legitimate relationship, losing it isn’t considered a loss.

Other situations in which disenfranchised grief can occur include when the person grieving is themselves excluded or marginalized. In this case, it’s not so much that the loss isn’t recognized as legitimate; it’s just that the person who is grieving is themselves not being considered. That could be due to their ethnicity, race, socioeconomic background, status, etc.

Disenfranchised grief also occurs when the loss isn’t seen as significant in comparison to other kinds of loss. Experiences such as a miscarriage, stillbirth, the loss of a friend or colleague, or the loss of a pet can all be delegitimized or treated as insignificant by people around you.

People might also be unsympathetic if the loss is a loss that’s associated with stigma. Earlier, the example was given of an extramarital affair or the loss of a same-sex partner. If the loss of a loved one is due to addiction or mental health struggles, people might not be as empathetic to grieving loved ones and the sense of loss they feel.

At other times, the loss experienced can be ambiguous or complex, and that can also lead to disenfranchised grief. Thus, going through a divorce or separation, experiencing adoption or foster care loss, or experiencing loss of identity through retirement or a career change are all real losses, but they may be difficult for people to fully understand and recognize as a loss.

The Impact of Disenfranchised Loss

Having support when going through grief and loss helps process what has happened. You’re able to start healing and learning to cope with the loss. But what happens when the loss isn’t acknowledged? The lack of social recognition and support during your loss can affect you in various ways, including the following:

• You may struggle to articulate your emotions, especially if you don’t see them as at odds with what society says you should be feeling
• You might feel lonely and isolated, which can increase the sense of distress and emotional pain you find yourself in
• It can strain your relationships with other people
• It can result in a negative impact on your self-esteem
• It can result in an increased risk of mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety
• It can prolong the grief process or result in complicated grief

Finding Grief Therapy in Keller, Texas

Others may not recognize your loss or support you as you grieve. However, that doesn’t mean that you cannot grieve or work through your loss. You can connect with friends and family who are supportive or look for local grief support groups in Keller, Texas. You can also create your own memorial and have personal rituals to recognize and remember the loss. You can take steps toward self-care, too, for your well-being.

You can also consider Christian counseling in Keller, Texas to help you process your grief. Your Christian grief counselor in Keller will be a safe space for you to explore the complex feelings you’re experiencing.

They can help you unpack those feelings and thoughts, walking with you as you develop tools to cope with the loss and learn to live life in the absence of your loved one. Reach out today to schedule an appointment at Keller Christian Counseling in Texas.