Advice for New Moms: 15 Tips to Save Your Sanity

Congratulations on becoming a mom! I am in the process of becoming a new mom myself, and I have found there is an abundance of advice for new moms out there, and advice for every stage of motherhood. An abundance of advice and an abundance of choices can often cause anxiety. I want to invite you to join me as I process the advice I’ve been given alongside the tools already in my tool belt as a Christian counselor in Keller, Texas.

Advice for New Moms in Keller, Texas

Be okay with just okay

In my corner of Keller, Texas, I recognize that I live in an environment of perfectionism. People here tend to love checklists, like the list of advice in this article. We often set unrealistic goals or expectations for ourselves, others, and our situation.

When those goals or expectations are not met, we experience extreme disappointment, perceive it as failure, and internalize messages of shame. In response we become obsessed with meeting the goal and/or we avoid it altogether. This perfectionism can translate into pregnancy and throughout motherhood too.

A practice I find helpful is to simply begin to notice without judgement and get curious. Notice the emotions you’re feeling. Name them if you can. Notice the sensations you are experiencing in your body (muscle tension, tight chest, weak spots, areas that are healing, etc.). Notice the thoughts you’re having.

Then get curious! Where are these thoughts coming from? Are they true? What expectations do I have of myself? Are those expectations realistic right now? What is realistic?

I often have to remind myself, “This is new for me. I have the space to learn and grow. Just because something is hard does not mean it is bad. This hard is good and worthy. I can get through this. Mistakes are not bad, they are the place of opportunity to learn and grow.”

Accept help

Hesitation to accept or request help can reveal needed areas of healing. As we notice with empathy and get curious, we may find that there’s a belief that “I’m weak if I ask for help. I should be able to do it on my own. I fear being a burden or inconvenience. I’m not worthy of help.”

Recognizing our limits and asking for help requires vulnerability and humility. It requires strength and courage, while refusing to ask for help involves fear and weakness. If no one offers, you can always seek help through your pediatrician or church or ask friends and family.

Don’t compare yourself

Ah yes, comparison to other new moms in Keller reveals areas of discontent and disappointment. I find that comparison is often a result of a desire to escape a current situation, a desire for change, or a response to a feeling of discontent. In the words of Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So what shall I do when I notice joy running thin as I find myself comparing?

Brene Brown demonstrates through her research that gratitude and joy work together to produce resilience. When I’m tempted to compare, I ask myself, “What are you grateful for? What are you proud of?” Then I experience a powerful perspective shift where I am no longer wallowing in what I do not have, but I’m beginning to draw from my strengths and resources to experience the change I’m hoping for and the joy that’s been missing.

Exercise faith

Our God is a good Father. He is Immanuel, God with us. He is El Roi, the Living One who sees and hears us. He is Jehovah Rapha, our healer. He is our Helper and Advocate, our Counselor. You are not alone.

I find the practice of Philippians 4:6-7 helpful in moments of anxiety – coming to the Lord with gratitude and presenting my needs to Him. Often, the simple practice of praising Him for who He is and thanking Him for what I have makes the request and subject of my anxiety much smaller and more manageable.

Be organized

I have to remember that being organized is not about being perfect or obtaining the stamp of approval from others, but it’s about removing stress and adding peace to my home and family. Realistic expectations for order can include utilizing online shopping and food delivery service, folding laundry while watching TV, or keeping the diaper bag stocked and ready to go.

These little acts of preparation and organization can help take stress out of daily tasks. If the task of organizing is adding stress, it can be helpful to remember that the function of order is to bring peace. So if it is adding stress, it can be set aside or re-evaluated.

Declutter often

Clutter in a home can lead to mental clutter. It might be helpful to have a designated box or basket for unwanted items in an easily accessible area where you can add to it without a lot of effort.

Find shortcuts

As you learn what your baby’s needs are (and your own), pay attention to ways to save precious time and effort in meeting those needs. For example, only buy clothes that are easy to wash and put your dry-clean-only clothes away for a special occasion. Have an emergency stash of diapers so you don’t have to make a midnight run to the store.

Establish a routine

New beginnings offer the unique opportunity to establish a new routine. But remember, what’s a realistic routine that will help decrease stress and pressure? Today, I might just need to be flexible.

Don’t get hung-up on “firsts”

So many new parents put a lot of pressure on themselves to make every “first” special for their new baby. What am I letting define what’s “special?” Comparison, Instagram Moms, or the child in front of me?

Document the little moments

I’m grateful for journals, pictures, and other fun memory helpers!

Build a support system

We are shaped by our community. Who do I want shaping me, my child, my family? Is there a local mom’s group I want to join? Church? What kind of people make up my family relationships and friendships?

Make time for you

Am I hydrated? Do I need to eat? What about sleep or a nap? Do I feel connected in my adult relationships? There will be moments when the baby is sleeping or content that you want to take advantage of by cleaning the house or running errands. While this is sometimes necessary, it is okay and often necessary to use that downtime to relax and meet your personal needs.

Remember your relationship

Prioritizing your marriage is the greatest gift you can give your child. Your child is an extension of your love. Your child does not complete your family unit, but expands it. Don’t be afraid to request the love you need from your spouse. There’s a common thought, “If I have to ask, it’s not natural and he must not want me.”

We then set one another up for failure and reinforce the belief that we are not wanted. Instead, we can help each other learn what it looks like to offer love in the different seasons and situations. “Can you give me a hug? Can you play with my hair? Can you help me by doing the dishes tonight? I feel disconnected. What can we do to connect tonight?”

Learn to say “no”

While this might sound selfish, learning to say “no” to uninvited guests, unsolicited advice, and unnecessary obligations is a form of self-care and a way to love your family.

Seek therapy in Keller, Texas

You were never meant to do this life alone. If you feel isolated in your new role as a mother or overwhelmed by all the advice for new moms in Keller, consider seeking professional help from a mental health counselor in Keller, Texas. Your therapist can help you find the balance between your old life and new role, offer sound and specific advice, and can be a sounding board when you just need to vent.

If you find this role of mothering overwhelming and would like additional support beyond this advice for moms, feel free to contact our office to schedule an appointment with me or another Christian counselor in Keller, Texas. The counselors at Keller Christian Counseling in Texas are equipped to walk you through this season with joy, and it would be my honor to walk with you on this journey.

May we seek to enter each season of motherhood with a posture of grace and truth, empathy and compassion. May we learn to not only treasure the preciousness of our children, but of ourselves and our spouses as well.