The Unseen Signs of Emotional Trauma

Many people go through life secretly struggling and feeling unsafe, never realizing that they are affected by emotional trauma. Sometimes it is only much later in life that we begin to realize that we are still affected by something that happened decades ago, often something we thought we had navigated well.

This is not a failing or a weakness on our part, but simply the nature of trauma. Emotional trauma affects our thinking, our behavior, and even our bodies, whether we are willing to acknowledge it or not. It is when we begin to see the signs of emotional trauma and acknowledge that we are affected by something in our past that we can begin to move forward while addressing whatever it is we are facing.

Survival Mode

One of the reasons we tend to miss the signs of trauma is that, after something life-changing happens to us, we are simply trying to survive. There isn’t time to read through ways that we might be traumatized and learn steps to overcome it. We know that a certain event was hard to get through, and we might have an idea that it changed us somehow, but we can’t spare the emotional energy to think too much about it.

“Life goes on, and so must I,” we tell ourselves while focusing on the things that most demand our attention. If we’re honest with ourselves, deep down we might feel that if we were to focus too intently on past events, too many difficult feelings may come up and derail our lives, so we just carry on.

The problem with being stuck in survival mode is that surviving is not the same as living. To truly live, you have to dig in and take risks. The richest, fullest, most satisfying lives have a lot of bad mixed in with the good.

When we have unresolved trauma in our lives, it affects us until we take the time to look back and see what went wrong. We might be struggling with intimacy and trusting someone. We might struggle with authority to the point that our career is affected. We might not be taking any chances out of fear of failure.

The richest, fullest, most satisfying lives are filled with struggle, hardship, breakthrough, and triumph. In Tolkien’s book, The Hobbit, the main character Bilbo lives a safe, comfortable life in his cozy little home until he is swept up into a dangerous adventure that culminates in saving vast amounts of treasure from a dragon.

Real life can feel a lot like Bilbo’s adventure. We can only gain treasure if we are also willing to face a dragon. Sometimes that dragon is our past. Like Bilbo, we must leave our comfort zone and use our wits to conquer the beast.

The Unseen Signs of Emotional Trauma

Some trauma is debilitating and even crippling. Most of us do not know that we have even experienced trauma. When we look back and realize that we went through something deeply traumatic, we don’t know what to do next. The road to resolving past trauma is long and sometimes complicated. One of the tricks is not to worry about what to do with it, but instead to simply focus on identifying it.

We can be traumatized by life-changing events, like the death of someone we love, living with a chronic illness, or experiencing an unexpected disaster. Trauma also happens slowly over time, however. A narcissistic, controlling parent; a neglectful parent or partner; a toxic boss; or a child battling substance abuse are all emotionally traumatizing things to deal with, even when we learn to cope in these situations.

We can also be traumatized simply by being exposed to other people’s suffering or toxic environments that seemingly don’t affect us. We might have been treated lovingly and gently by a parent, but been traumatized by the way they abused their spouse in front of us.

Emotional trauma affects a person’s psyche, sense of safety, and emotions, whether the trauma they experienced was direct or indirect. A person might display one or all of these signs for different reasons, but they are most frequently seen connected to trauma. It’s a good thing to have questions about yourself, your past, or your current experiences because it means you are focusing on fixing something.

As you begin venturing out like Bilbo in ‘The Hobbit,’ preparing to face life outside of your comfort zone, look out for any of these attitudes and tendencies, because they are likely to point to emotional trauma:

Low Energy

Just because you’re tired does not mean you have unresolved emotional trauma, but, depending on the type and depth of the tiredness, it could mean exactly that. In computing terms, trauma is like a program that constantly runs in the background of your life, chewing up RAM and preventing you from shutting down.

You might struggle to let your guard down even among trusted people or constantly push yourself to achieve things. You might be afraid of what might float to the surface of your thoughts or emotions, so you resist slowing down or being quiet. All of this is exhausting work, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

People have a fantastic survival skill of being able to shut things away in the attic of their mind, out of sight. This skill only goes so far, though, and unfortunately, we mostly carry trauma in our physical bodies.

After years, it begins to show up in constant headaches, digestive issues, high blood pressure, insomnia, heart issues, and exhaustion. It’s always advisable to look after your physical health, but some issues are connected to trauma and won’t be resolved until you acknowledge your past.

Withdrawing From Life

People often reach a point where the things that once brought them enjoyment suddenly lose their appeal. It’s as if all the color and flavor fade from life, leaving a general sense of numbness, emptiness, and depression. Sometimes this is just a part of aging, but it is also a common sign of emotional trauma bubbling up from our past and affecting our present.

At this point, we might start acting impulsively and irrationally or withdraw from friendships and social events. We may begin to coast in our careers and sabotage our romantic connections.

There is no quick fix for this type of detachment. The best we can do is to acknowledge the state we’re in and reach out for help. No one can resolve trauma on their own. Time certainly does not heal all wounds. If you’re in this place in your life, you need help.

Extreme Dependence or Independence

People often confuse emotional trauma with personality or tendencies. What if your attachment style in relationships was a sign of emotional trauma? Perhaps you are not extroverted, but clingy and dependent because you’re afraid of being neglected or abandoned, as you were in childhood.

The people who can’t commit to relationships have typically experienced some emotional damage. They have never learned what it feels like to trust someone. Both extreme independence and clinginess are signs of emotional trauma.

Need for Control

Once again, language sanitizes a more difficult truth for us here. Admitted “control freaks” are often people who are so emotionally traumatized that the way they have learned to cope is to control every aspect of life. These are not headstrong people with A Type personalities; they are fearful people unwilling to admit to anything they perceive as a weakness.

The more controlling someone is, the less able they are to admit to having issues. They are afraid to yield control of their lives.

Next Steps

Everyone has experienced some trauma in their lives, but not everyone acknowledges and deals with it. No one can process trauma alone. A counselor is advised to help you through your trauma. You can trust a counselor with whatever you feel safe sharing, and together you two can begin the journey of self-healing. If you are ready to meet with a counselor, reach out to our offices today to set up an appointment.