Helpful Advice for Overwhelmed Parents

Being a parent is hard. The responsibility of keeping children alive and healthy, teaching them to do that for themselves, and helping them become functional members of society is a lot. Throw in jobs, homes, pets, activities, and maybe a dash of mental health issues and the whole thing can feel like it is spinning wildly out of control, creating overwhelmed parents.

What are some commonly overwhelming stages in parenting?

Newborns and infants.

The constantly changing schedules, diapers, naps, nighttime waking, teething. Your child puts you through a lot in that first year of life.

Toddlers.

Growing independent but still need help with everything.

Kids.

From learning at school to chores and extracurricular activities, it is easy to feel like you are racing frantically from one thing to the next.

Teens.

Another spurt of independence but still a need for advice and oversight, puberty, emotional rollercoasters.

Simple advice for overwhelmed parents.

Pause and breathe.

No matter what stage you are in, if you feel overwhelmed take a break. Sometimes it just needs to be a few minutes of fresh air and deep breaths. Other times you might schedule a chat with a friend or a date with your spouse. Still, other seasons may demand you reevaluate the choices and priorities of your family to create periods of rest.

Regardless of the length or reason for the pause, it is important to keep yourself from making decisions from a place of being overwhelmed. Whether you are overwhelmed by kids’ questions or tantrums or by the never-ending laundry and grocery shopping, pausing will help you make the best choices.

Remember with gratitude.

Many older parents will tell young parents, “Oh you’ll miss this stage.” The statement may be well-intended but can inadvertently cause shame when you feel overwhelmed by your current stage in parenting.

Instead, consider what you are grateful for now and in the past. For example, while worrying about your teens’ new driving safety, remember with gratitude that you don’t need to change diapers and wipe their butt for them. When your preschooler is drawing on the wall remember with gratitude that they are sleeping through the night now. Reframe the moment with gratitude.

Choose your battles with intention.

When the toddler doesn’t want to wear a coat and boots in the cold, choose one (the boots) and bring the coat. When the teen is yelling about life’s unfairness, let go of the issue of the moment and find the underlying emotion they are struggling with. When your child is being a picky eater provide them with an option to make their food (and clean up the mess).

You do not have limitless energy. You get to decide if you want to fight the coat battle on the way to the doctor’s office, knowing that there may be another battle about getting a shot.

Learn to give yourself perspective on the battle. That way you can choose if it is worth the time and energy now or if you need to conserve it for something more important.

Be patient.

Be patient with yourself as well as your child. Everyone has good days and bad days. We all get tired, cranky, and frustrated. If you mess up and you are an adult who “knows better” you should give yourself grace and forgiveness. You should also extend that grace and forgiveness to a child who doesn’t know better and doesn’t know why you may be sad, tired, etc.

Patience is best learned from modeled behavior, as is forgiveness. If you can go to your child and say, “Hey, I am sorry I yelled for you to hurry up. I was feeling anxious about being late and I took it out on you. Will you forgive me?”

This demonstrates to your kids your willingness to admit mistakes and attempt to correct them. Being willing to show vulnerability will cut through a kid’s defenses far more effectively than yelling, crying, or manipulating.

Finally, talk to someone.

It could be your spouse, your parents, or other parents that you admire. Or you could sit down with a family counselor and talk about why you are feeling so overwhelmed by parenting. Some of these people may have advice that will be timely and helpful.

Other times you just need to release your stress and anxiety in a safe and calm environment. By taking care of your parenting stress away from your kids you will be better able to parent your kids in the moments they need you most.

The counselors at Keller Christian Counseling in Texas have available appointments for overwhelmed parents. Call today to get scheduled.