What Does the Bible Say About Marriage? Scriptures Verses About Married Life

What does the Bible say about marriage? Learn more from this article about Scripture verses about married life. In any society, ideas and values change over time, and that relates to marriage as much as to any other subject. In recent times, more and more Americans are choosing to stay single or simply cohabit than get married. According to the Pew Research Center:

As relationships, living arrangements and family life continue to evolve for American adults, a rising share are not living with a romantic partner. A new Pew Research Center analysis of census data finds that in 2019, roughly four-in-ten adults ages 25 to 54 (38%) were unpartnered – that is, neither married nor livingwith a partner. This share is up sharply from 29% in 1990. Men are now more likely than women to be unpartnered, which wasn’t the case 30 years ago. – Fry and Parker

What does the Bible say about marriage?

While our ideas about marriage shift as a culture, it’s important to reflect on what the Bible has to say about marriage. God’s wisdom and purposes for His world bring about our flourishing, and we benefit from understanding how Biblical marriage is meant to function.

A gift from the beginning.

The Christian idea about what marriage is comes from the first pages of the Bible. From there we read these lines:

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh.

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. – Genesis‬ 2:18, 20-25, NIV

God created Eve, Adam’s equal, who was made in the image of God and intended to rule over creation with him. She is like him, and yet she is also unique. God brings Eve to Adam, and Adam waxes poetic celebrating his bride.

The last verses say that when a man and woman unite in marriage, they become ‘one flesh’, and these words are echoed throughout the rest of the Bible in talking about the nature of marriage. It is an intimate, lifelong union of two people that inextricably intertwines their lives.

This gift to humanity was granted from the very beginning, from before the world was broken by human rebellion against God, and it’s fascinating to note that it was God who moved toward Adam to meet his need.

Later when Jesus is having a discussion with some teachers of the law about divorce He says this about the ‘one flesh’ union of a man and woman in marriage: “‘So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’” (Matthew‬

Marriage as part of a larger reality.

One of the other times we encounter the idea of marriage as a ‘one flesh’ union is in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians where he writes:

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. – Ephesians‬ 5:31-33, NIV

Paul is saying that the verses that were originally written about Adam and Eve and all successive marriages after theirs are, at a deeper level, about the relationship between Jesus Christ and His people, the church. This makes sense because throughout the Bible God is often pictured as a husband and His people as a bride.

God covenants with His people, and while He is faithful, they are often unfaithful. The Bible will often use the language of adultery to describe unfaithfulness to God (Hosea, Ezekiel 16, 23). Our marriages are thus symbols of God’s commitment to His people, and that then is why divorce has a more profound impact beyond the two people involved.

A covenant is a solemn agreement that binds two people together, and that’s what marriage is meant to be. In his book The Meaning of Marriage, New York-based pastor and author Tim Keller says the following:

Sociologists argue that in contemporary Western society the marketplace has become so dominant that the consumer model increasingly characterizes most relationships that historically were covenantal, including marriage. Today we stay connected to people only as long as they are meeting our particular needs at an acceptable cost to us.

When we cease to make a profit – that is, when the relationship appears to require more love and affirmation from us than we are getting back – then we ‘cut our loses’ and drop the relationship. This has also been called ‘commodification,’ a process by which social relationships are reduced to economic exchange relationships, and so the very idea of ‘covenant’ is disappearing in our culture. Covenant is therefore a concept increasingly foreign to us, and yet the Bible says it is the essence of marriage. – Timothy Keller

Hardship in marriage.

Marriage is meant to be a beautiful thing, but one would have to be blind not to see that marriages are often angst-ridden and sites of pain instead of flourishing. We can trace some of these problems to the first pages of the Bible in which Adam and Eve set the pattern for marriage as we experience it today.

After Adam and Eve rebelled against God’s words, they introduced fear, competition, and selfishness into a relationship that didn’t have those elements before. The first thing Adam does is blame Eve for misleading him (Genesis 3:12). God says of their relationship “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” (Genesis‬

They are no longer in sync and aligned in their purpose, and Adam will desire to assert his authority over her. These unhealthy dynamics have unfortunately played out in relationships ever since. ‬‬‬

The wisdom literature in the Bible reminds us:

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife… Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. – Proverbs‬ 21:9, 19, NIV

A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand. – Proverbs‬ 27:15-16, NIV

It must be remembered that the book of Proverbs was addressed to a son, and that’s why the language is gendered the way it is. Men as well as women can nag, be quarrelsome and fractious, and their negative qualities can make for a constant dripping in the marriage.

The Bible depicts this reality that marriage can be difficult, and as it is probably the most important relationship you have, this leads Mike Mason in his book The Mystery of Marriage to say rightly that “there is nothing in the world worse than a bad marriage and at the same time nothing better than a good one.”

Getting help for your marriage.

In The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller goes on to beautifully say that

When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him- or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial.

To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us. – Timothy Keller

Marriage is and can be a beautiful reality. We struggle with issues such as forgiveness, poor communication, unhealthy boundaries, underdeveloped conflict resolution skills, not appreciating our partner’s strengths, intimacy issues, unhealthy anger, misaligned parenting strategies, and breaches of trust such as infidelity. These are serious obstacles to the health of any marriage, but these obstacles can be resolved, and the marriage strengthened.

For a couple to build a strong marriage requires recognition when things aren’t going well, and the ability to seek help. A marriage and family therapist can help a couple learn how to communicate and resolve their problems without resorting to never-ending conflict or unhealthy conflict tactics such as character assassination.

It takes a lot of work, and it’s also hard because it requires vulnerability and revisiting some sore spots, but your marriage can be strengthened, and have healthy, life-giving habits.

Your marriage matters to God, and you owe it to yourself to do what you can to revive it and place it on a sure footing. Contact a licensed marriage and family therapist from our office to begin working on your marriage to make it a life-giving union that makes you and your family flourish.