The Rewind: Navigating Forgiveness, Reconciliation, and Relationship Issues

While holding onto toxic relationships isn’t healthy, neither is it helpful for us to throw away all our relationships when we encounter interpersonal challenges. Learning to forgive, extend grace, and work through relationship issues is an important life skill. We need it to navigate all sorts of relationships, whether the connection is romantic or platonic, covenant or with our kin.

Investing time and effort into cultivating our spiritual fruit enhances our development and grows our relationships, whether we remain close or part ways. Overall, our willingness to invest in learning healthy communication practices, establishing boundaries, and navigating transitions makes us better in our relationship with God, ourselves, and others.

We need to recognize that relationships are dynamic, which means they act as a living being. They flourish and grow when we feed them what they need to thrive. Having healthy communication, developing parameters that mutually benefit and bless both parties, and a sense of how to walk through seasons of change can help our relationships breathe and be at their best. We may do all those things, but still sense a shift in our connections with others. Knowing God will never leave nor forsake us can ease the internal tension when we sense that the relationship isn’t serving either of us well, even with attempts to change.

Let Go and Trust God

Letting go and trusting God sounds easier than it is. It would be naive of us to assume that some relationships won’t fade or face difficulty. Yet, if we aren’t willing to make space in our life garden, we don’t allow for the growth that future connections can bring.

One way to know that it may be time to move on is when we can no longer support each other’s needs in the ways that give life and promote growth. On one hand, we sense the Lord’s movement into something different, but the current connection is not allowing us to grow with God and the person at the same time.

Let’s realize that none of this surprises God, even if it seems hard to manage for our heads and hearts. God can and will work through times of separation to accomplish His greater purpose. Our relationships, like other parts of our lives, flex and flow with the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives. The Bible offers evidence to support season changes in many of the familiar stories we read, but also in noticing the nature of God Himself. This relationship struggle doesn’t mean we are sinful or less spiritual but rather reveals our humanity and the process of growth and grace with a loving God.

Relationship Rewind

We can take specific comfort in closely examining the Apostle Paul’s relationship with John Mark, with whom he dissented against being involved in the work of the ministry. The position he held countered Barnabas’ conviction, and the two parted ways, ministering the Gospel effectively in the places where the Holy Spirit dispatched (Acts 15:36-41). Yet, as we continue to read the Scriptures, we notice a shift; something miraculous evolved through space and time apart (Colossians 4:10; Philemon 23).

Whether the apostle himself grew or the young minister matured isn’t especially clear in the text, but we do see that Paul later requested John Mark’s specific contribution; the apostle desired reconciliation and an opportunity to connect with Mark in ways where they hadn’t been able to serve each other well previously (2 Timothy 4:11).

Revisit Boundaries

Sometimes, the Lord wants us to revisit relationships that we have established and draw closer with some while releasing others. That doesn’t mean we have to cut off our connections, but rather establish boundaries that make sense for where the relationship is at present.

It can be more painful to remain the same than to embrace change in the direction where God is leading us with conviction and clarity. This demands that we pivot. It isn’t easy, but it does require the Holy Spirit’s insight and revelation.

Reflect and Re-examine Perspectives

In the case of Paul and John Mark, we can recognize that sometimes the Holy Spirit will do a greater work in us apart than what we may have tried to do together in a prior season. Time and space allow for reflection and prayer that sparks forgiveness and a new perspective. Sometimes, the rest we receive without constant communication with a particular person gives us insight into areas where we need to grow and maximize our own spiritual and personal development.

While we don’t control what He does in or with other people, we can pray during times of separation. We never know how the Lord may work creatively to circle us back to a connection and intersect our lives with another where it is more profitable later.

When we re-examine our boundaries with relationships in transition, we can view them as fences with gates. Gates have hinges to let out what isn’t good for this time or season while welcoming what’s appropriate for the present. Sometimes, it will be awkward, uncomfortable, or even painful in connections where we feel loyal.

Through it all, Jesus promised to be with us, even as we work through the need for forgiveness, grace that covers, and wisdom that directs us forward. Through the indwelling power and presence of His Holy Spirit, He furnishes grace for navigating the unpredictable territory of human hearts and their relationship issues.

Reignite Connections

When we choose to reignite a connection with a family member or friend after a long separation, it is important to be open to the ways that the Lord may want to move in the present. We don’t have to rehearse the ills of what may have fragmented us in the past, but we don’t want to ignore problematic patterns or withhold what needs to be spoken. Apologies can help to heal a divide, sensitizing us to the other person’s needs in the reconciliation process.

Fostering honest conversation births mutual understanding and softens our hearts into forgiveness as we embrace God’s wisdom and understanding to reveal what it looks like to connect now and possibly move forward together.

Clarifying conversations removes barriers to reconciliation. They clear foggy areas, bringing light, eclipsing confusion, and ushering in the healing that forgiveness brings. Time, reflection, and inner healing permit us to revisit a familiar connection without the sting that may have kept us embroiled in offense or non-descript tension.

When we are honest with ourselves and the person with whom we seek reconciliation, we convey a willingness to establish a fresh start on a firm foundation. Speaking the truth in love with one another will cultivate the kind of authenticity that gives life and promotes growth and personal development in a new season.

Next Steps

While we may want to reconcile with a friend or forge a deeper connection with a family member, it may not work out quite the way we had imagined. Sometimes, the Lord simply allows people to reconnect for a specific purpose. It may not necessarily be destined for the relationship to resume ongoing fellowship, but rather to exchange apologies or extend forgiveness.

Sometimes, He desires that we make peace with one another, reflective of what has already been established in our own hearts. We don’t lose anything from initiating or responding to contact, but rather, appreciate the blessing of relationships that God gave in our past while celebrating how wisely His Spirit moves in our present.

Consider where you are in navigating your relationship issues, especially in those areas where your heart may be stirred toward possible reconciliation. Trust that the God whose Hands hold your times and joins your connections is wise and able to reposition or establish you in the relationships that will accomplish His purpose (Psalm 31:15; Romans 8:28). It can be challenging to discover that without support. Search the resources and schedule with a counselor through this site. You will encounter the support and skills to navigate your heart through its past, celebrate its present, and form future relationships that will shape and strengthen you from one season to the next.