9 Tips for Dealing with a Breakup

Dealing with a breakup is one of the hardest and most challenging events that you will go through, especially if you still love the other person. But not all relationships will work out. It may be that the two of you just don’t click, one person wants a different future, you have differing religious beliefs, or one person has done something that breaks the covenant (infidelity or adultery.)

Dealing with a breakup is similar to the grieving process. You may move through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance before you feel more like yourself. We aim to help you through the process while rediscovering yourself without another person defining you. A counselor can help you draw closer to your faith during this time.

Tips for Dealing with a Breakup

Sometimes you need extra support when dealing with a breakup. A counselor can provide an unbiased viewpoint that you may not have considered. Aside from therapy, there are several things you can do to help yourself through the grieving process. The most important thing to remember is that healing from the end of a relationship takes time, especially if the relationship was long-term or ended in divorce.

Give Yourself Time and Space

Dealing with a breakup is harder when confronting your ex at every turn. If possible, you will need to distance yourself from your ex to heal. For example, try not to talk to them on the phone or in person, text or message, or go to their social media profiles. If the breakup is not due to violence, you might not need to unfollow/unfriend them on social media, but you can go into settings on the app and stop their statuses and posts from showing on your newsfeed. Consider this, at least temporarily, until you are at a less painful stage.

The last thing you want to see is pictures of your ex moving on. Ask friends and family to refrain from sending you updates, as you need time and space to heal. Constant reminders are not helpful, so you may want to box up anything your ex left at home and avoid looking through pictures of the two of you together. If you have photos on your phone or computer, you can move them to a separate folder. Then, when you are at a better place emotionally, you can send your ex’s things to them or a mutual friend.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

When we are hurt, sometimes we push our emotions aside to carry on with our responsibilities. We swallow the pain and push through the day, but eventually, the pain will manifest in other ways. You may become depressed or have physical ailments like headaches or stomachaches. Your emotions may come out as harmful behaviors like binge eating or overdrinking alcohol.

It is okay to grieve the end of a relationship. Your emotions, anger, and sadness, are valid. You can begin to heal by embracing these feelings and moving through them. You may want to seek help from a licensed counselor to manage the stages of the grieving process.

Get Back to Being You

The end of a relationship can take its toll on your health. In the chaos that ensues, you may have prioritized others instead of yourself. Now is the time to get back to being you. Start an exercise regimen and eat a nutritious diet of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, healthy fats, and complex carbohydrates. Revisit any hobbies or interests you placed on the back burner during the relationship. Give yourself time during the day to practice self-care.

Self-care doesn’t have to be a day at the spa. Take yourself out on a date to a coffee shop, museum, or zoo. Rekindle the love for the things that make you happy. Maybe that is some small task like reading a book or watching a movie. Now is the time to put yourself first.

Find Healthy Substitutes for Time

When you turn to vices like overconsuming alcohol, drug use, or risky behaviors to fill the extra time you have now that the relationship has ended, you are setting yourself up for long-term harm. In addition, unprotected sex, one-night stands, gambling, and binge eating are also sabotaging behaviors that can hurt not only you but your family.

Look for healthy and productive time-fillers instead. For example, join an interest group or a support group. If you are typically off work in the evenings and weekends, make plans so you have something to look forward to and keep your mind occupied.

Socialize with Supportive People

When dealing with a breakup, you may not feel like socializing with others. However, isolating yourself at home is not good for your mental health. Do you have a friend or family member you can call? Do you have someone you can confide in over the breakup? Is there a person in your life who can make you laugh and help you forget about your heartache?

Make it a point to call these people and check in, especially if you start feeling lonely. Make dates with your friends to get out of the house and experience new adventures. Take a day trip or weekend get-a-away and remove yourself from familiar surroundings. You might be surprised to find how little you think of your ex while having fun with others.

Change Up Your Living Space

Does your home remind you of your ex? Now may be the time to reset your surroundings. First, box up your ex’s belongings and store them in a closet until you are emotionally ready to drop them off or give them to a mutual friend. Next, list what changes you would like to see in your home. For example, do you want to update the bedroom? Maybe you purchase new bedding, move the bed, and paint the walls a different color.

You may want to declutter your home and eliminate anything that doesn’t bring you joy. Sort items into two piles: one for donations and one for trash or recycling. Only surround yourself with objects that make you happy or have good memories attached.

Hold Off on Major Decisions

Although you might be updating your environment to deal with a breakup, avoid making major life decisions until you heal. The end of the relationship has taken a toll on your ability to process your emotions, and you may not be able to think clearly about a significant decision. For example, if you are offered a job in another state, are you healed enough to weigh the pros and cons of moving 400 miles away from your only family? In addition, rash decisions can lead to contracts that cannot be breached without consequences.

Hold off on these life-changing decisions until you are confident that you have healed from the loss of the relationship. The grieving process can be less about losing the person (your ex) and more about the dissolution of a long-term relationship or failed marriage. No one likes feeling like they wasted their time and effort in a relationship or marriage. Give yourself the proper time and seek professional help if you need it.

Don’t Go Back to What Broke You

When you are in a vulnerable place, it may seem like the easiest thing to do is to go back to what feels familiar and comfortable. However, returning to the person who brought you so much pain may not benefit you. Can you see a pattern in their behavior? Do their words and actions differ? Seek advice from an unbiased third party, like a counselor, if your heart and mind are warring with each other.

Are You Seeking Therapy?

If dealing with a breakup has you struggling to remember who you were before the relationship or depression has you in its grip, contact our office today to schedule an appointment with a counselor. We can meet with you virtually if you prefer. You do not need to go through a breakup alone. We are here to support you and help you heal.